When I became a parent I never really thought about how my children would turn out. What would there personalities be like, how would they differ from other people, what would they become. It just wasn’t a strong goal of mine. That being said if I knew then what I know now, things would be different. I surely would have raised much more independent children. Instead, I didn’t allow my children to grow. I was to set on being the mother that my mother never was. I had a strong, independent mother who did not give her children the time or day to converse about life and expected struggles. I felt kind of cheated by that so I decided early on that I would be a mom that would do it all. Work hard and come last. My children would come first. They would get all that I didn’t get, I would fill them with protection that I had to fend for in life for myself and I would comfort them with hugs and kisses that I never really experienced. It actually landed up slapping me in the face because now my kids and adults solely depend on my husband and I. They don’t have to do much and get everything. They never had to walk to school, or the mall or to their friends house, they were driven by “the mad mom in the mini-van” or “Big daddy”. They didn’t have to clean house because I wanted it done my way or else, so I did it all . They didn’t have to look for job’s so long as they didn’t ask for too many hand-outs, they just had to go to school do good and then we would concern ourselves with their next moves.
I believe that was a big mistake on our part. We should have drilled in there heads much more early on the importance of adolescence. We have one child 21 who test life every day with dangerous challenges. Who once she receives a bill says things like “I’m not paying that”, or “why do I have to pay this”, or the best one of all is “I have to get my nails done and pay my cell phone, I won’t have money to pay this”. We have another daughter 19 who decided that school wasn’t that important and did everything imaginable to get herself expelled from school not once, not twice but 5 times, just in her high school years. Now she complains that she has no job, no insurance, no cell phone, a few friends all because she thought she knew it all. I often worry about her because she has very few survival skills. She blames me for several of her mishaps because she has nobody else to blame. That just would not be right for her to take responsibility for herself. Our 18 year old daughter is another one who really wanted to do right by school but had other responsibilities in life on her shoulders. I feel those got in the way of her right mind. In fact she is learning a hard lesson today because of her lack of ability to think for herself. She has others influence her but in all the wrong ways. She is a good person with a good heart, but is not at all ready for what life has to offer.
I don’t believe any of them are ready. I will say that I believe we are not all to blame for a lack of discipline and readiness. Our (3) adult daughters are part of our combined family. Two of them have a different mother and one as a different father. We had little help with the other halves. They were like Disneyland parents who never wanted to discipline but to constantly fight us on how to bring up our children. So we did what we could to make the best of both worlds. We do take responsibility for some of the under-development of our kids, teens to adults. We have more work to do, but we have to rely on hope and prayers that they soon take us serious and that life is not easy as it is, and for them not to make is much more difficult on themselves.
We have a son that is 12 that we do share. He is fortunate to have both of his parents in the home. You can see the difference in growth from kid to soon to be teen. I believe we will see a much more stable person he will be as oppose to our daughters. My husband and I are on the same page on how we want him to succeed. He does well in school, he is liked by most, he is a very humble person and loves life. He is really into sports and his number one game is Baseball. We (my husband and I) have been coaching him for the last 9 years. This year will actually be the first year he will play without his mom or dad being directly involved. He has to gain some Independence and learn to succeed without us holding his hand. He is very outgoing and I am sure it will come easy for him. I am sure of it. I truly believe he will make some kind of mark in this world, because that is the enthusiasm he has. He believes he will be a professional baseball player, so we will see. We have learned much more Thur raising this child as oppose to the other ones. There is less interference from others and again he has both his parents together. There is not one parent playing the kid against another parent. Less arguments and fighting, less stress.
Now that I have been through all of this, I feel that is why I am much wiser than I was 15 years ago. Of course we all get a little wiser the older we get, but it’s what you do with the wisdom you gain is what makes life work in your favor. Raising children, teens and adults are not easy. As a matter of fact, it is really difficult. They take you for granted without realizing that one day they will have to do it on there own. They tend to push the limits and want to test the ocean to see how far they can swim, until they realize they can’t make it back. Then they cry, whine, complain, blame, beg, borrow or steal, then hit bottom and wake up. They eventually will swim to shore, they will be tired, but they will have learned how far they can go and limit their self in the future.